Sugar Junkie Blog by Rebecca Hill: Defining What You Want and Searching for Purpose

February 13, 2011

Hello, friends! Thank you again to those who were able to make it out to my Chicken Soup for the Soul; Shaping the New You book signing at Barnes & Noble last weekend, and to those who sent well wishes and were there in spirit!

photo by: Suzanne Campbell

With the book signing behind me, I’m now looking forward to returning to the questions raised by Deepak Chopra in an article I read a few months ago. (Again, the reason we're exploring Deepak Chopra's questions on a health & fitness website is that I really believe that being able to contemplate and answer the questions he poses will help us minimize our desire to turn to food for emotional comfort.) My friend, Suzanne, sent me the article as New Year’s Eve was approaching and we were all discussing our New Year’s Eve resolutions on this blog. To remind everyone, here is one of the questions that the LA Times asked Deepak Chopra:

Do you think there’s a way for people to make their resolutions stick?

Deepak Chopra answered:

Yes. I think if they go beyond motivation and find true inspiration, then the resolutions will stick. So for me it’s to go to a deeper level, and that’s why I place so much importance on this idea of silence. I’m not saying everybody should do it, but even if you took five, 10 minutes of quiet time every day or every other day or once a week and asked yourself simple questions like, who am I? What do I want? What is my life’s purpose? Is there a contribution I can make to my community or to society? What kind of relationships do I want to have? What is my idea of well being, and how can I achieve it?

We explored the question “Who am I?” on this blog a few weeks ago, so this week I’d like to focus on his questions of “What do I want?” and “What is my life’s purpose?”

It’s hard to even contemplate these questions while frantically rushing from work, to chauffeuring kids to soccer practice, to ballet practice, to grocery shopping, to making food, to going to bed, to getting up early, to trying to find time to exercise …but, if we can’t find a few minutes of silence now – then when? Living in LA, I sometimes sit in traffic for what seems like an eternity. I thought that maybe the 20 minutes I spend sitting on the 405 would be the perfect time to contemplate these questions but when I tried that,  I kept coming up with answers like “I want…THESE CARS TO MOVE!” and “My purpose is…TO GET TO WORK ON TIME! COME ON YOU GUYS – LET’S MOVE IT!” Not exactly what Deepak (or I) had in mind so I thought I’d turn the reigns over to others to see if they had better luck answering these questions with a calmer presence of mind and more depth.

I started with Kiana. She said:

Great question – really made me stop and think…. What I want out of life is good health, true happiness, affection from my kids, career fulfillment, laughter every day, love, no pressure or stress; for my children to grow up with good values, positive attitudes and have a love for health and fitness too.



My purpose in life is to be a leader and a role model for my kids, family and millions of people around the world.



Then I asked Kiana’s mother, Marilyn. “Mom Tom” said:

What I want out of life is to be happy and content and to be loved by my family and friends. I want enough money to live comfortably (but not a garish lifestyle.) To enjoy my value system of life and living and pray that more people will have a value system of goodness and kindness and that children will be instilled with the golden rule of life.

Mom Tom said that she felt her desires were “basic” but that that was the way her “wonderful dad was – basic” and that that is how she is as well.



Kiana and I have a friend named Julie who was Kiana’s wardrobe stylist on ESPN’s    “Kiana’s Flex Appeal.” (And for those of you who’ve read my story “Cheeseburger in Paradise” in Chicken Soup for the Soul; Shaping the New You – Julie was my roommate – the one who busted me for sneaking cheeseburgers while we were shooting in Maui.)

Anyway, Julie who is a mother of two said:

What I want out of life is: To be healthy is number one, I cannot help anyone else unless mom is healthy first. You also cannot be completely happy and enjoy life unless you are healthy first!

My purpose is to recover my son from Autism and to help find a cure for his Immunodeficiency. Life becomes really worth living when you are in it for someone else!



I also explored this question with Kiana’s mother-in-law, Carol.

Carol said:

What I want out of life is a peaceful and joyful existence. With peace and joy all the rest comes naturally. For the last 5 years I have had to overcome some pretty major hurdles. The best revenge is to be happy and that is what I am going for.



My purpose in life is to be the best and most honest person I can be. I have been blessed with great kids, a great family, and wonderful, dear friends.



It is time now to give back so I am in pursuit of some type of volunteer work where I can do just that.



Life is too short to waste and there is still so much that needs to be done.

All soulful answers and clearly these women have found a few moments of stillness to contemplate these questions, knowing that their answers will (quite possibly) guide their destinies.

I tend to think best as I’m writing so let me try to contemplate these questions again here tonight:

What I want out of life is …okay I’m stuck already…

New approach: Let me fantasize about what I’d do if I won the lottery. Let’s say like $2 million (but not $30 million) – enough so I could have anything I wanted but not everything I wanted. Let’s play the “Genie in the Bottle game” – if I could have 3 ‘want wishes’ they would be:

1.     That Tom and I could devote 100% of our lives to trying to make art. He would have even more time for music...





....and I would have even more time to try to grow as a writer.) I would still work at Curves part-time and I’d still like to help out at the Bed&Breakfast Inns I work at, but I’d like much more free time to try to develop as a writer.



2.     I want Tom and I to have good health. (As I know from my autoimmune disease when you’re in physical pain it makes doing anything else very difficult.)

3.     Except for Sundays, I want to find 1 hour a day to exercise and 1 hour a day to meditate. (Again this ties into more free time.)



And of course, I want a 1959 red corvette convertible and a (non-haunted) Southern Greek Revival House and massages every day and more time with friends and better relationships with-in my family. But when push comes to shove – as I sit here and make myself quietly contemplate “what I want” it has to do with unscheduled, free time and quiet hours spent with Tom.



In terms of “my purpose”: I don’t know …I only feel truly satisfied when I’m telling (or being told) a great story. While I admire great doctors, architects, school teachers and astronauts – the only people who silence the whirl in my head are the great story tellers like David Sedaris, Nora Ephron, Anne Lamott, Martha Beck, and Elizabeth Gilbert. I’m truly mesmerized by comics like Bill Cosby, Ellen DeGeneres, Jay Leno, David Letterman, Jeff Foxworthy, Bill Engvall, Kathleen Madigan, Brett Leake, Evan Davis and Jeremy Hotz. I hold these writers and these comics in the highest regard.

I would like to believe that my purpose in life is to be a storyteller…but that will take work, which takes time, which is why I NEED to win the lottery!  ;-)  (Are you listening, God!?! I NEED to win the lottery! And, if I do, I promise that (with the exception of Sunday) I will make time for 1 hour of exercise/day and 1 hour of mediation/day in addition to writing.)

Okay, that’s pitiful…since I’ve now digressed to actually bargaining with God on this public blog I’ll turn it over to you guys! See if you can complete these sentences (and we’d love it if you would post your answers in the ‘comments section’ below!) Good luck! These questions can be tough to answer…

1.     I want…(fill in the blank)

2.     My purpose is…(fill in the blank)

Fit Mom TV Blogger: Rebecca Hill / Barnes & Noble Chicken Soup for the Soul Book Signing a Success!

February 6, 2011

I am delighted to say that my book signing at Barnes & Noble; Marina del Rey went well yesterday! It was my first book signing ever so I was very excited (and a little nervous). The staff at Barnes & Noble was fantastic and welcomed us when we arrived.





My husband Tom Caufield and my fellow Curves trainer, Toni helped me get the signing table all set up.



My friend, Dominique was the first to arrive! She reminded me to “breath” when I saw the rack of books Barnes & Noble had ordered just for the event. I was intimidated by how many books there were to sell!

Dominique also brought me a rose which started out as a beautiful addition on the signing table...then it turned into a prop (as you'll see from the photos below) until Tom had to take it away and say "focus, sweetie - this is a book signing ..take the rose out of your mouth." (All said with great affection, of course...after 10 years of marriage, he knows me quite well!)



Anyway, here are a few additional photos from the signing:

When I got home from the signing there was a very nice email from Kiana that said, "CB! I am so happy for you and CONGRATULATIONS on your book signing of many to come! Wish I could've made it and met your friends too! I had to play chauffer to my kids: soccer, dance, ballet... What wonderful photos of y'all (your Southern accent is wearing off on me!?!) I am so proud of you and am especially glad that the 'Cheeseburger in Paradise' story is now public knowledge! It was a hard secret to keep all of these years!  Love and just say NO TO CUPCAKES! - Kiana"



And, oh yeah – great news! We actually sold out!!! (What a relief!)

Many, many thanks to Renee Carter at Barnes & Noble for inviting me to have this book signing and to their manager, Jake, for making the event so fun! I also want to thank all of our Curves members and my friends who came out to support me. I really appreciate y’all! I want to thank Tom for making me take the rose out of my mouth and, of course, I want to thank Chicken Soup for the Soul for publishing my stories in the first place!

Sugar Junkie Blog by Rebecca Hill. “It’s Not Just a Love of Cupcakes…”

Sugar Junkie Blog by Guest Blogger and published Author, Rebecca Hill.

January 23, 2011

Rare is the day that I’m at a loss for words, but …I’m at a loss for words. Meditation is hard! (At least it is for me.)

The first day I meditated my cat, ‘Anais the Siamese’ started crawling all over for me so ½ way through my meditation song I gave up and just started playing string with her and feeding her ‘Turkey Treats’. The second day as I was trying to follow Deepak Chopra’s instructions and contemplate “Who Am I?” I started fretting, which turned into panicking because the person I am is not exactly the person I expected to become; and it is certainly not the person my family and childhood/high-school/college friends expected me to be. For the most part, I like who I am; but as I thought about my true beliefs, I found it hard to breath as I imagined the full force of how disappointed my family and many friends would be if I were completely straightforward with them about how liberal my views really are. And as I started panicking at the thought of losing my family and many of my friends my first thought was “I really need some cupcakes.” which reinforced my suspicion that my struggle with my weight is not really “what I’m eating”, it’s “WHAT’s EATING ME!?!” I’m wondering if that’s true of any of you? I’m sure we’ve all got different types of issues going on in our lives but I think it’s probably these issues (not simply a love of cupcakes) that leads us to do things like eat a dozen cupcakes in the grocery store parking lot after a bad day. (Please tell me y’all sometimes eat cupcakes in the grocery store parking lot too…do you?)

In any case, the third day I meditated, I fell asleep.

I wanted to see if others were having any luck answering Deepak’s question so I turned to my friends to see how they were doing with it. My girlfriend, Cheree said, “When asked to answer the question ‘Who am I?’ I initially thought in broad stoke single words like brave, caring, fun. Then I dove a little deeper because those single word descriptions are so general and all really don't apply every day to who I think I am, I'm still discovering myself! Everyday, if I really take a moment to think of my reactions, my honest feelings about what is happening to me or around me, my actions in my career, marriage and friendships, I come to the realization that I am in process of becoming my personal best for each day. That is who I am, my own personal best. And I will be better tomorrow and will not be defined by a single word, group or philosophy.”



As for the challenges of quieting my mind long enough to meditate, I reached out to my favorite yoga teacher in the world – Wendy Hartley. Wendy said, “The purpose of meditation is to watch and observe your thinking mind. Through the power of your breathing you can slow your thinking. The longer you sit (for me it is in the 20-30 minute mark where there is a lot of space between my thoughts) the more you get to release the nonsense and see with greater clarity. The natural state of our mind is to think and create. But with concentrated focus we are better aware of what we are entertaining. I like the idea of pondering the big questions, but usually the answers to those big ones come when your mind hasn't been "forced" let's say, but spontaneously enters stillness (like right before sleep for example) or meditating without expectations. I do love Deepak's work. The mind may not even quiet in a whole hour of sitting, but practicing awareness to your thinking patterns gives you the power to change. Happy sitting. Have Tom practice too.”



So, then I asked my husband, Tom to try meditating. It did not go well for him either… Seems a cat was bothering him too!



(Thanks for reading my blog. If you have time, do contemplate what my yoga instructor Wendy said and try to find time to meditate; I really do think meditation is important and I will continue to try to make this practice a part of my daily life too. Also, please ask yourself, and try to answer Deepak's question “Who Am I?“ in the comments section below. Maybe start the sentence with, “I am….” (then fill in the blank and see what you come up with.) And remember, you can post your comment as “Anonymous” if you’re not ready to claim yourself yet. Have a good week! – Rebecca)

Rebecca Hill is the author of “Confessions of an Innkeeper” and “Don’t You Worry, Don’t You Cry.” Her stories have also appeared in Redbook Magazine and in several Chicken Soup for the Soul anthologies.  


http://www.amazon.com/Chicken-Soup-Soul-Encouraging-Fitness/dp/1935096575

What makes you happy? Sugar Junkie Blog.

January 10, 2011

What started out as a simple question turned into a weeklong discussion between my girlfriends and me. “What makes you happy?” The reason I asked the question is that I think if we can get in touch with what makes us happy, then we may be able to turn to things (other than food) to enrich our lives.



I started the discussion with, “What makes me happy is spending time with my husband, Tom. Whether we’re out and about doing something really ‘fun’ or just hanging out in our apartment reading books or watching movies, I always feel happy, content and relaxed when I’m with him.”



I’m also happy when I’m ‘creating something’ whether it’s a book, a Chicken Soup for the Soul story, a Jib-Jab or this blog. When I’m working on a ‘project’ it’s the only time the question of ‘what am I doing here/ what’s the meaning and the purpose of my life’ quiets down in my head.

I’m also happy when I’m eating brownies…oops did I really just say that!?! Yes, unfortunately I did…a week ago today one of our Curves members rushed into the club and with all the aplomb of a great conspiracy leaned over my desk and said, “I need your help with something” as she slipped me a brown paper bag and whispered, “My brother gave me 2 brownies. I just ate one and I need to get rid of the other one. Can you help me?” I said “Sure.” and thought to myself “This is going in the trash the minute she walks out the door.” But as I was throwing it away I decided to peek in the bag “just to take a look” and it was a BIG, amazing, homemade brownie and (needless to say) it never made it to the trash. I counted the minutes until the club closed, pulled the blinds down, turned off some of the lights and ate the brownie. And it did make me happy…temporarily. Temporarily is the keyword –we’re not looking for things that make us happy “temporarily” –we’re looking for things that really feed our soul whether we need to be calmed down, inspired or invigorated. So, here’s what my girlfriends had to say in terms of what makes them happy:



My favorite yoga teacher in the world, Wendy, said she is truly happy, “When I am committed to my morning meditation, (even if that means only 5 minutes of sitting) I take inventory of my emotions and choices of the day before. This helps me fine tune what is working and what needs evaluation. My blood sugar is a major factor to how much my mind wants to monkey around. When I slow down carbohydrates after 3pm daily, I notice how much easier it is to get up the next day and not talk myself into a negative habits.”  Wendy also looks like she’s pretty happy when she’s hula hooping!



Maureen, who is an amazing singer and performer said, “I have worked very hard to create a life where I do what I LOVE for work AND play. By day I am a LMFT/Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist; nurturing, supporting and helping children and families; it’s the greatest job in the world!  At night, I am a performer; singer/dancer/musician. I made sure that my ‘day job’ AND my ‘night/weekend’ job nurtured my soul.  I never ‘sold out’ for money.  My first priority was to ‘be happy’ and I was blessed to have parents who instilled in me the importance of never chasing money, but chasing happiness. What makes me happy is waking up each day and knowing that what I do will influence, affect and touch the life of another person.  That is true happiness!”



My girlfriend, Mea said, “Being out for a walk alone with only nature and my thoughts makes me happy.  Feeling like I give each day my all and accomplished a lot makes me feel happy. Seeing joy on my child's face and being in the moment so that I can appreciate it for everything it’s worth makes me the happiest.”



And my girlfriend Heather said, “That's a loaded question. In no particular order...not just smelling the ocean air but breathing it.  Knowing I had a productive day and leaving my tiny little place in the world a little better than how I found it.  Doing something unexpected for someone and having it be appreciated (and they don't even have to know it was me).  The uninhibited feeling I have with my family and friends where I can say whatever comes to mind no matter how silly or how unflattering and knowing that they will unconditionally love me and always have my back even if they do not always agree with me. Fireworks. Wearing flip-flops makes me happy. Holding hands with someone I love. Daisies….daisies make me happy!”



Susan, who owns the Bed & Breakfast Hotels I work at, said, “Lots of things make me happy but a blue sky and clean cool air when I run and listen to rock music or guitar suites make me happy.”  “When my grandchildren run to greet me - kissing their sweet brown heads makes me happy, and walking into either hotel makes me happy. So good exercise, good family and good work should do it - and a hot bath for me.”





My sister-in-law, Cindi said what makes her happy is, “Taking action and accomplishing a goal! Be it fitness (a good workout that initially I didn't want to do but always feel SO good after) or a creative project at work (coming up w/a good design that I am proud of). Also a walk in my neighborhood on a beautiful day makes me happy. It puts me in such an appreciative mood ... of nature, wildlife, fresh air, blue skies, being healthy. I feel like I am in paradise and I consciously savor that.”



One of my very fittest friends (besides Kiana) is Liz. Liz said she’s happy when she’s, “Had a good workout…or more honestly the feeling I get AFTER a good workout; a pair of jeans that fit perfectly because of the workouts! I’m happy knowing that I am surrounded by family and friends who love and accept me for me. I also love dancing around the living room and singing with my 3 yr old niece, the giggles, the french fries…”



Wait, did Liz just say “french fries”!?! Yup, she sure did. So, maybe food can be a small part of what makes us happy. We are human after all and food is one of the pleasures of life. Given that two of my fittest friends do on occasion indulge in french fries, perhaps a treat every now and again is okay …as long as we know (really know and get in tune with the fact) that a brownie or french fries will never satisfy our souls like the company of good friends and family and that there are some pleasures that go further than food. Like Susan said, one of the true pleasures in life is “A hot bath!” I’m all for “ a hot bath” – believe it or not, I’d actually choose it over a brownie!



How about you? What makes you happy? We’d love to hear your thoughts and have you share your feelings too…what makes YOU happy!?!