December 12, 2010
How did everyone’s week go? Were you able to find 5 minutes of “Quiet Time” each day to meditate? I tried, but was only able to do it two days.
I’m going to try again to meditate each day this week because I think it’s important for our physical and emotional wellbeing. Per Kiana, we’re going to add one more step this week for our FIT MOM TV HOLIDAY CHALLENGE.
WEEK #2’s assignment is:
1. CONTINUE TO TRY TO FIND 5 MINUTES PER DAY TO MEDITATE, PREFERABLY IN THE MORNING.
2. AT LEAST FOR ONE DAY, WRITE DOWN EVERY SINGLE THING YOU EAT AND MAKE A NOTE AS TO WHY YOU ATE WHAT YOU ATE. (WERE YOU HUNGRY? OVERWHELMED? BORED? IT JUST LOOKED GOOD? ETC.)
The reason we’ve added this second step is that I had a pretty rough week last week in terms of my food choices and I’m still sorting out in my mind why I ate what I ate. I’m contemplating: Is the issue “what I’m eating” or is the issue really “what’s eating me?”
Last week I flew to Seattle to visit my grandma (my dad’s mother) and my aunt. It was good to see them and they made me feel incredibly loved, but it was an emotional trip. This was my first time seeing them since my father’s sudden death and my mom’s equally sudden remarriage. I was only at their house for 36 hours and while I was there I was relaxed and happy. But, once I got to the airport to fly back to Los Angeles, I felt extremely alone and very anxious. I love to fly so it had nothing to do with flying – it was something on an emotional level; something about seeing my dad’s family and the pain in their eyes reflecting the acute loss I also feel.
As I often do, I turned to food to try to ease the anxiety. I went to the newsstand in the Seattle airport and bought 2 candy bars and a Diet Coke. Consumed all of them within 10 minutes. Still felt anxiety. Tried deep breathing. Still felt anxiety.
Boarded the airplane. The anxiety increased to a level of panic. I knew I had to stay on the plane. I was alone (Tom couldn’t go with me on this trip). I turned the air nozzle on “high” so I could feel the cool air blowing on me. I took deep breaths. Then, as a last resort, I took half of a Xanax. The panic subsided back into anxiety but I was still having trouble breathing.
The flight attendant gave everyone semi-stale pretzel/ chex mix party packs and Diet Cokes. I ate half of mine and then started asking myself, “What am I doing? Why am I eating candy bars, diet cokes and a semi-stale pretzel/ chex mix party pack?” The answer being, “Because I’m sad. Because I miss Tom. Because I don’t want my dad to be dead.” I could barely breath during the entire flight.
When I landed at LAX, I had to go directly to the Bed & Breakfast Hotel where I work. I really needed to go home and take a nap and cry. I needed an emotional release but when you’re an adult, you have responsibilities. There’s no way I could’ve called my manager and said, “ Sorry but I’ll be late because I need to cry and have a nap.” I had to go to work, so I did. Once I got to the Inn my manager said, “Are you okay?” as she watched me eat raw cookie dough. I said, “Yes, it was an emotional trip but a good one.” I still couldn’t breath.
My manager left so I ate 3 cookies. I still couldn’t breath. The guests asked me a lot of questions. I answered them, but still couldn’t breathe. Then our neighbor’s cat, Rusty, came over to the Inn. Rusty is not supposed to be inside the Inn (because some of the guests are allergic to animals) so I picked him up to carry him back outside. The minute I picked Rusty up, he started purring. As I walked him to the door, I buried my face in his fur and hugged him tightly. He continued to purr loudly and finally – FINALLY, I could breathe again. I stood outside with Rusty for just a few minutes hugging him while he purred and I felt calm and centered.
So what 2 candy bars, 2 diet cokes, a Xanax, deep breathing and a semi-stale pretzel/ chex mix party pack couldn’t do – Rusty the cat did in under 2 minutes. Thanks to Rusty I found my center, I felt peaceful, and I could breathe again.
That was a big “ah-ha” moment for me. To realize that there is something more powerful and more potent than food in terms of calming my anxiety. For me, it turns out – it’s a cat’s purr. (Which actually makes sense. I’ve been in love with cats since the day I met my first cat when I was 4 year’s old; my grandma’s cat, David.) Since then, I’ve loved every cat I’ve ever met including Rusty, our neighbor’s cat at the Inn, and my own cat, “Anais the Siamese.”
But, I’m guessing different things calm different people down. I don’t think a cat’s purr would calm everyone down (especially those allergic to cats!) For my husband, Tom, I bet writing a song is how he finds his center. For my girlfriend, Dorothee, I’m guessing picking up a paintbrush is how she finds peace. I’m sure Kiana works out if she’s feeling stressed and my friend, Suzanne, often takes nature photographs as a way of tapping into her creative spirit and finding her center…
So, I’m wondering – WHAT IS IT (BESIDES FOOD) THAT CAN REALLY CALM YOU DOWN AND HELP YOU FIND YOUR CENTER WHEN YOU’RE UPSET?
(I’d really appreciate you sharing this because it might help me or one of the other women reading this blog. We all need to find alternatives to eating when we get knocked off balance and need to find our emotional center.) Suggestions?
Rebecca Hill is the author of “Confessions of an Innkeeper” and “Don’t You Worry, Don’t You Cry.” Her writing has appeared in Redbook Magazine and she frequently contributes to Chicken Soup for the Soul. Her most recent story appeared in the new
Chicken Soup for the Soul book, “Thanks, Mom!” She has worked as coordinator on high profile projects including:
Kiana’s Flex Appeal, American Idol and Scooby Doo the movie. NEW! Rebecca will have a new story in
Chicken Soup for the Soul for the New You / New Year!
Following up on our “Holiday Challenge” assignment from last week:
