January 23, 2011Rare is the day that I’m at a loss for words, but …I’m at a loss for words. Meditation is hard! (At least it is for me.)
The first day I meditated my cat, ‘Anais the Siamese’ started crawling all over for me so ½ way through my meditation song I gave up and just started playing string with her and feeding her ‘Turkey Treats’. The second day as I was trying to follow Deepak Chopra’s instructions and contemplate “Who Am I?” I started fretting, which turned into panicking because the person I am is not exactly the person I expected to become; and it is certainly not the person my family and childhood/high-school/college friends expected me to be. For the most part, I like who I am; but as I thought about my true beliefs, I found it hard to breath as I imagined the full force of how disappointed my family and many friends would be if I were completely straightforward with them about how liberal my views really are. And as I started panicking at the thought of losing my family and many of my friends my first thought was “I really need some cupcakes.” which reinforced my suspicion that my struggle with my weight is not really “what I’m eating”, it’s “WHAT’s EATING ME!?!” I’m wondering if that’s true of any of you? I’m sure we’ve all got different types of issues going on in our lives but I think it’s probably these issues (not simply a love of cupcakes) that leads us to do things like eat a dozen cupcakes in the grocery store parking lot after a bad day. (Please tell me y’all sometimes eat cupcakes in the grocery store parking lot too…do you?)
In any case, the third day I meditated, I fell asleep.
I wanted to see if others were having any luck answering Deepak’s question so I turned to my friends to see how they were doing with it. My girlfriend, Cheree said, “When asked to answer the question ‘Who am I?’ I initially thought in broad stoke single words like brave, caring, fun. Then I dove a little deeper because those single word descriptions are so general and all really don't apply every day to who I think I am, I'm still discovering myself! Everyday, if I really take a moment to think of my reactions, my honest feelings about what is happening to me or around me, my actions in my career, marriage and friendships, I come to the realization that I am in process of becoming my personal best for each day. That is who I am, my own personal best. And I will be better tomorrow and will not be defined by a single word, group or philosophy.”
As for the challenges of quieting my mind long enough to meditate, I reached out to my favorite yoga teacher in the world – Wendy Hartley. Wendy said, “The purpose of meditation is to watch and observe your thinking mind. Through the power of your breathing you can slow your thinking. The longer you sit (for me it is in the 20-30 minute mark where there is a lot of space between my thoughts) the more you get to release the nonsense and see with greater clarity. The natural state of our mind is to think and create. But with concentrated focus we are better aware of what we are entertaining. I like the idea of pondering the big questions, but usually the answers to those big ones come when your mind hasn't been "forced" let's say, but spontaneously enters stillness (like right before sleep for example) or meditating without expectations. I do love Deepak's work. The mind may not even quiet in a whole hour of sitting, but practicing awareness to your thinking patterns gives you the power to change. Happy sitting. Have Tom practice too.”
So, then I asked my husband, Tom to try meditating. It did not go well for him either… Seems a cat was bothering him too!
(Thanks for reading my blog. If you have time, do contemplate what my yoga instructor Wendy said and try to find time to meditate; I really do think meditation is important and I will continue to try to make this practice a part of my daily life too. Also, please ask yourself, and try to answer Deepak's question “Who Am I?“ in the comments section below. Maybe start the sentence with, “I am….” (then fill in the blank and see what you come up with.) And remember, you can post your comment as “Anonymous” if you’re not ready to claim yourself yet. Have a good week! – Rebecca)
Rebecca Hill is the author of “Confessions of an Innkeeper” and “Don’t You Worry, Don’t You Cry.” Her stories have also appeared in Redbook Magazine and in several Chicken Soup for the Soul anthologies.
http://www.amazon.com/Chicken-Soup-Soul-Encouraging-Fitness/dp/1935096575
