Sugar Junkie Part 1: by Rebecca Hill, Fit Mom TV Guest Blogger

Okay, it's Monday. The start of a brand new week. I'm feeling strong today. I've already had breakfast (2 glasses of skim milk and a handful of unsalted almonds). No sugar cravings so far - though that's really nothing to write home about given that I've only been awake for 15 minutes. Last week was a tough week for me. Without burdening you with the details, I had a blowup with a family member which led to my feelings getting hurt. Within one minute of this altercation I fled to the mini-market behind my apartment and bought and ate 4 cookies and a pack of licorice before I could even walk back home. Needless to say, I am addicted to sugar. I use it to "feel better" when I'm sad, I use it to "celebrate" when I'm happy. I'm a sugar junkie and like all junkies I tend to get out of control when I need a fix. I've been in treatment (i.e. - Weight Watchers) for several years and it does help. For days - sometimes even weeks on end - I'm under control. I can have small treats like dark chocolate and even a scoop of ice cream because I like those things but I don't LOVE those things. What really sets me off is baked goods which is a problem because one of my part-time jobs is working as an Innkeeper at Channel Road Inn and The Inn At Playa del Rey (where we bake homemade cookies and breakfast cakes for our guests on a daily basis.) Each time I'm making cooking dough and using superhuman strength to resist eating it I think, "Boy, this is really stupid. Me working as an Innkeeper is like an alcoholic working as a bartender. What am I doing?" But, I love my job. I love the guests. I love Channel Road Inn and The Inn At Playa del Rey. They're both beautiful Bed & Breakfast Hotels! I also love my co-workers. It's a great job!

My other part-time job is working as a trainer at Curves. I love (absolutely love!) that job too. I love working at Curves because it gives me an opportunity to help women work on their health and fitness goals and in return they help me work on mine. By being in an environment where health and fitness is the common goal, my focus is consistently brought back to where I want to be/ who I want to be - which is a healthy, in control, strong woman.

Kiana is my hero! We've eaten together on numerous occasions and I am constantly amazed how she (seemingly) effortlessly makes healthy choices and only eats until she's full. When it's time to order desert Kiana inevitably says, "Oh good, dessert - do you want to split one?" I hear my mouth say "yes, great idea!" but inside I'm thinking "No! No, Kiana - I want you to go to the bathroom or get an urgent production call so you'll go outside on your cell phone and I can consume 2 pieces of cheesecake ...and then, when you come back - THEN - we can "split a dessert.") As the one dessert with the two forks arrives at our table I force a smile which eventually leads to a look of incredulity as Kiana takes two, maybe three small bites of the dessert then says "Yummy!" and puts her fork down. It makes me want to pull her hair to make sure she's really human. (I'm known to get violent when I'm in the throes of a sugar fix. Just ask my husband, Tom, who tried to keep me from eating Halloween candy last week!)

Okay, it's a new day. It's a new week. It's an opportunity to be the person I want to be. Everyone has their demons - sugar is mine. I can conquer this. One day at a time. It's going to be a good day. It's going to be a good week! I can just feel it.

Rebecca Hill is the author of "Confessions of an Innkeeper" and "Don't You Worry, Don't You Cry." Her writing has appeared in Redbook Magazine and she frequently contributes to Chicken Soup for the Soul. Her most recent story appeared in the new Chicken Soup for the Soul book, "Thanks, Mom!"