February 13, 2011
Hello, friends! Thank you again to those who were able to make it out to my
Chicken Soup for the Soul; Shaping the New You book signing at Barnes & Noble last weekend, and to those who sent well wishes and were there in spirit!
photo by: Suzanne Campbell
With the book signing behind me, I’m now looking forward to returning to the questions raised by Deepak Chopra in an article I read a few months ago. (Again, the reason we're exploring Deepak Chopra's questions on a health & fitness website is that I really believe that being able to contemplate and answer the questions he poses will help us minimize our desire to turn to food for emotional comfort.) My friend, Suzanne, sent me the article as New Year’s Eve was approaching and we were all discussing our New Year’s Eve resolutions on this blog. To remind everyone, here is one of the questions that the
LA Times asked Deepak Chopra:
Do you think there’s a way for people to make their resolutions stick?Deepak Chopra answered:
Yes. I think if they go beyond motivation and find true inspiration, then the resolutions will stick. So for me it’s to go to a deeper level, and that’s why I place so much importance on this idea of silence. I’m not saying everybody should do it, but even if you took five, 10 minutes of quiet time every day or every other day or once a week and asked yourself simple questions like, who am I? What do I want? What is my life’s purpose? Is there a contribution I can make to my community or to society? What kind of relationships do I want to have? What is my idea of well being, and how can I achieve it?We explored the question “Who am I?” on this blog a few weeks ago, so this week I’d like to focus on his questions of “What do I want?” and “What is my life’s purpose?”
It’s hard to even contemplate these questions while frantically rushing from work, to chauffeuring kids to soccer practice, to ballet practice, to grocery shopping, to making food, to going to bed, to getting up early, to trying to find time to exercise …but, if we can’t find a few minutes of silence now – then when? Living in LA, I sometimes sit in traffic for what seems like an eternity. I thought that maybe the 20 minutes I spend sitting on the 405 would be the perfect time to contemplate these questions but when I tried that, I kept coming up with answers like “I want…THESE CARS TO MOVE!” and “My purpose is…TO GET TO WORK ON TIME! COME ON YOU GUYS – LET’S MOVE IT!” Not exactly what Deepak (or I) had in mind so I thought I’d turn the reigns over to others to see if they had better luck answering these questions with a calmer presence of mind and more depth.
I started with Kiana. She said:
Great question – really made me stop and think…. What I want out of life is good health, true happiness, affection from my kids, career fulfillment, laughter every day, love, no pressure or stress; for my children to grow up with good values, positive attitudes and have a love for health and fitness too. My purpose in life is to be a leader and a role model for my kids, family and millions of people around the world.
Then I asked Kiana’s mother, Marilyn. “Mom Tom” said:
What I want out of life is to be happy and content and to be loved by my family and friends. I want enough money to live comfortably (but not a garish lifestyle.) To enjoy my value system of life and living and pray that more people will have a value system of goodness and kindness and that children will be instilled with the golden rule of life.Mom Tom said that she felt her desires were “basic” but that that was the way her “wonderful dad was – basic” and that that is how she is as well.
Kiana and I have a friend named Julie who was Kiana’s wardrobe stylist on ESPN’s “Kiana’s Flex Appeal.” (And for those of you who’ve read my story “Cheeseburger in Paradise” in
Chicken Soup for the Soul; Shaping the New You – Julie was my roommate – the one who busted me for sneaking cheeseburgers while we were shooting in Maui.)
Anyway, Julie who is a mother of two said:
What I want out of life is: To be healthy is number one, I cannot help anyone else unless mom is healthy first. You also cannot be completely happy and enjoy life unless you are healthy first! My purpose is to recover my son from Autism and to help find a cure for his Immunodeficiency. Life becomes really worth living when you are in it for someone else!
I also explored this question with Kiana’s mother-in-law, Carol.
Carol said:
What I want out of life is a peaceful and joyful existence. With peace and joy all the rest comes naturally. For the last 5 years I have had to overcome some pretty major hurdles. The best revenge is to be happy and that is what I am going for. My purpose in life is to be the best and most honest person I can be. I have been blessed with great kids, a great family, and wonderful, dear friends. It is time now to give back so I am in pursuit of some type of volunteer work where I can do just that. Life is too short to waste and there is still so much that needs to be done.
All soulful answers and clearly these women have found a few moments of stillness to contemplate these questions, knowing that their answers will (quite possibly) guide their destinies.
I tend to think best as I’m writing so let me try to contemplate these questions again here tonight:
What I want out of life is …okay I’m stuck already…
New approach: Let me fantasize about what I’d do if I won the lottery. Let’s say like $2 million (but not $30 million) – enough so I could have
anything I wanted but not
everything I wanted. Let’s play the “Genie in the Bottle game” – if I could have 3 ‘want wishes’ they would be:
1. That Tom and I could devote 100% of our lives to trying to make art. He would have even more time for music...
....and I would have even more time to try to grow as a writer.) I would still work at Curves part-time and I’d still like to help out at the Bed&Breakfast Inns I work at, but I’d like much more free time to try to develop as a writer.
2. I want Tom and I to have good health. (As I know from my autoimmune disease when you’re in physical pain it makes doing anything else very difficult.)
3. Except for Sundays, I want to find 1 hour a day to exercise and 1 hour a day to meditate. (Again this ties into more free time.)
And of course, I want a 1959 red corvette convertible and a (non-haunted) Southern Greek Revival House and massages every day and more time with friends and better relationships with-in my family. But when push comes to shove – as I sit here and make myself quietly contemplate “what I want” it has to do with unscheduled, free time and quiet hours spent with Tom.
In terms of “my purpose”: I don’t know …I only feel truly satisfied when I’m telling (or being told) a great story. While I admire great doctors, architects, school teachers and astronauts – the only people who silence the whirl in my head are the great story tellers like David Sedaris, Nora Ephron, Anne Lamott, Martha Beck, and Elizabeth Gilbert. I’m truly mesmerized by comics like Bill Cosby, Ellen DeGeneres, Jay Leno, David Letterman, Jeff Foxworthy, Bill Engvall, Kathleen Madigan, Brett Leake, Evan Davis and Jeremy Hotz. I hold these writers and these comics in the highest regard.
I would like to believe that my purpose in life is to be a storyteller…but that will take work, which takes time, which is why I
NEED to win the lottery! ;-) (Are you listening, God!?! I
NEED to win the lottery! And, if I do, I promise that (with the exception of Sunday) I will make time for 1 hour of exercise/day and 1 hour of mediation/day in addition to writing.)
Okay, that’s pitiful…since I’ve now digressed to actually bargaining with God on this public blog I’ll turn it over to you guys! See if you can complete these sentences (and we’d love it if you would post your answers in the ‘comments section’ below!) Good luck! These questions can be tough to answer…
1. I want…(fill in the blank)
2. My purpose is…(fill in the blank)
