March 15, 2011
I have not yet read Geneen Roth’s book, Women, Food and God but I hear it’s great!
In a recent e-blast from Oprah’s website they had a short article (perhaps an excerpt from the book?) that caught my attention. If you want to read the whole article, here’s the link:
http://www.oprah.com/spirit/The-Cookie-Burglar-Stop-Binge-Eating-Geneen-Roth/1
But the part that intrigued me most was Geneen’s idea of writing a “Fat Dialogue.” Here’s a condensed version of what Geneen had to say:
“I hear stories … every day from people who tell me they are longing to feel better about themselves and that the extra weight they are carrying is ruining their lives. And then …they spend most of their free time planning a binge, bingeing and feeling awful afterward.
At some point, you have to ask yourself what's going on when it seems as if you'd give your right arm to lose weight and then find yourself breaking locks at 3 in the morning to get to the coffee cake.
Regardless of how it may appear, what we do really does make sense. Our actions—especially with food—are inherently sane. In fact, they are expressions of our brilliance at getting our needs met.
When I was at my fattest, when I only had one dress to wear in mid-December (a summer dress with an elastic waist and a flouncy, expandable skirt), I realized that my apparently insane eating was trying to get my attention. It became clear that because it was so tenacious, it must have something to teach me that I wasn't learning in other, more subtle ways. So I sat down and wrote what I called 'A Fat Dialogue.'
It was like writing a play for two characters: Me and Fat. I started out by asking my fat what it wanted from me. It rambled on about wanting my attention, then ended up telling me something that forever changed my life: It told me that as long as I was thin, I would be flinging myself at someone who lived across the country, didn't love me or was otherwise unsuitable. When those words came unsuspectingly out of my pen, I was stunned. I was also nailed.”
I relate A LOT to what Geneen said, especially the part about being willing to give “your right arm to lose weight and then find(ing) yourself breaking locks at 3 in the morning to get to the coffee cake.” Been there – done that …way too many times! :-(
So this idea of “A Fat Dialogue” – could this possibly reveal why I do the things I do? I don’t know – let me ramble for a moment and see what happens (then it’s YOUR turn to try to write “A Fat Dialogue”, okay?)
Okay, 2 characters: Me and Fat (This feels a little weird but I’m going to go with it…)
ME: Why do you keep following me around? I’ve made it clear that I don’t enjoy your company.
FAT: Have you?
ME: Yes, I’ve complained about you to everyone I know. My husband, Tom – the women at Curves – my fellow Innkeepers – my Weight Watcher’s leaders – all of my friends, including Kiana - they all know I hate you and that I want you to stay away from me.
FAT: If you hate me so much why do you have me sneak over (usually when Tom’s not around)? As you know, we’ve hooked up in your car, in your bedroom and sometimes even in your bathroom (when Tom’s home but you feel you just absolutely “need me.”)
ME: Oh, geez – how embarrassing, I hate thinking of all of our tawdry hookups. I always feel bad immediately after we’re done. But prior to inviting you over, I’m in a frenzy –I just feel as if I need you. You’re like some kind of drug – but, as you know, it’s not really you I crave, it’s the friends you come over with – you know, your good friends Cake, Cookie and Brownie – I love them but I don’t like you.
FAT: Well, Cake, Cookie, Brownie and I have been friends for a really long time – so if you love them and invite them over, then I come over to hang out with you too. Cake, Cookie and Brownie NEVER go to a party without me! You know that – we always travel together.
ME: Right…
FAT: Right.
ME: Geneen Roth says you’re trying to tell me something. What are you trying to tell me?
FAT: I’m trying to tell you that nothing good comes from spontaneous, chaotic, intense reactions and over-reactions to life’s situations.
ME: But that’s the rhythm of how I live – every success I’ve ever had is based on a spontaneous, sudden burst of energy coupled with intuition and luck. I’m not a “slow, methodical, safe” kind of girl.
FAT: Ever heard of Dr. Phil?
ME: Duh!
FAT: No need to get sarcastic, Rebecca. Ever heard of Dr. Phil?
ME: Yes.
FAT: I like it when he says, “So, how’s that working for you?”
ME: Right…
FAT: Right.
ME: I need to make the time to grocery shop, I need to learn how to increase the number of healthy recipes Tom knows how to make (he’s the cook in our family) ...
...and I need to take the time to pack a lunch. You’re right, FAT – the spontaneous, chaotic version of “figuring something out for lunch or dinner” while on a break at Curves or while working at the Inn has not helped me achieve the results I desire. I need to bring my lunch …which means finding a lunch box that really works for me. I know this sounds silly, but I can never find a lunch box that really “works” for me.
FAT: Millions of people have done it.
ME: I know, but money’s tight. I can’t afford to “experiment” with this lunch box and that lunch box – it’s just easier to eat out.
FAT: Again, “How’s that working for you?”
ME: Right…
FAT: Right.
ME: And while my spontaneous (some would call it fearless – others would call it reckless) confidence at changing jobs, if I hit a rut, has benefited me over the years, I guess it’s also hurt me. No retirement plan in place. No savings. Getting by – having fun – but no long term planning. I hate “long term planning.”
FAT: I know. Most of the people I’m friends with hate “long term planning.”
ME: A few years ago, after a very bad autoimmune disease, I decided to get more serious about my desire to become a writer.
FAT: What do you mean by “more serious?”
ME: Well, I decided the first step toward becoming a writer was to ACTUALLY write, instead of just dreaming of writing.
FAT: Well, duh!
ME: Okay, now it’s you who’s being rude and sarcastic.
FAT: Sorry. So how did that go for you?
ME: Pretty well. I’m still new at it and I have a long ways to go – and I hate getting rejection letters, but I have been published several times in the past two years.
FAT: How did getting published make you feel?
ME: What are you – my therapist?
FAT: Maybe. So, how did that make you feel?
ME: Good. It was one of the few highs that can compete with how I feel when you, Cake, Cookie and Brownie meet me for a late night rendezvous.
FAT: But getting published does take “long term planning” – you actually have to plan a time to sit down and write and submit stories each day, right?
ME: Well, they’re pretty short stories – but yes, I do try to make at least an hour a day to write (except on Sunday).
FAT: Why not on Sunday?
ME: That’s my day with Tom.
FAT: Do you love Tom?
ME: Of course I do! We’re getting ready to celebrate our 11th wedding anniversary later this month.
FAT: Who do you love more – Tom or me?
ME: Tom! Of course I love Tom more!
FAT: Do you?
ME: YES!!!
FAT: Then why do you invite me, Cake, Cookie and Brownie over so often? I hate to tell you this, but though we have fun – we’re not good for you. You have high cholesterol, right?
ME: Yes.
FAT: We’re friends with Cholesterol too. When we come over to visit you, Cholesterol comes too.
ME: What does this have to do with Tom?
FAT: If you really do love him more than you love us, you’re going to have to consciously choose to spend more time with him and less time with us. I know you’ve always been curious about the afterlife and “what happens next” – we will help you find out sooner rather than later if you keep inviting us over.
ME: Are you trying to scare me now?
FAT: Kind of.
ME: Why?
FAT: Because the truth is, I am you – I’m not “FAT” as in something that stands apart from you – I am you – and I want you to succeed and I want you to live a happy, healthy, productive life…but that does take planning.
ME: I know. My Weight Watchers leader, Mirium, always emphasizes that there is a difference between “real physical hunger” and a “craving” or a “need for comfort food to soothe us emotionally.” Mirium says that if you combine real physical hunger with a craving, you’re doomed – she says that once you’re in a frenzy because you’re actually hungry there is little chance of making an intelligent decision re: food. Mirium says we need to eat little meals every 3-4 hours so we’re never “hungry” – then we can choose what to eat from a rational place rather than a freaked out, hungry place. Come to think of it, that’s what Kiana says too and so do all of the trainers at Curves.
FAT: Don’t pretend you didn’t know that. You already knew that – you just don’t make the time to grocery shop, prepare food and pack a lunch. Because “winging it” has led to some of the greatest adventures of your life, you’ve decided (or I should say defaulted) to making this lifestyle part of how you eat. Eating right takes semi-long term planning …you need to figure this out if this really is a priority.
I know you’ve improved since your auto-immune disease attacked you and made it so you could barely walk or see; you do eat better – you do party with me, Cake, Cookie and Brownie less than you used to – and, thanks to your job at Curves, you do workout more than you used to. But there’s still room for improvement – I know that because I hear you curse at me every day when you get out of the shower.
You know, Rebecca… I will go away if you really want me to. But you need to send me a consistent message if you want me to go away; this back and forth – go away, come hither stuff won’t lead to me going away…hey, what are you eating?
ME: A Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup.
FAT: Is that true?
ME: No, but I’m thinking of walking over to the market to get one.
FAT: Great! I’ll meet you there!
Okay, so clearly “FAT” and I need to continue to talk offline over the next few weeks, months (and perhaps even years) …so let me turn things over to y’all.
Any comments based on eaves-dropping on my conversation with FAT? Want to try to write your own “Fat Dialogue”? I recommend it! And if anyone has read Women, Food and God, I’d LOVE to know what you think of the book. Please leave comments in the comment boxes below
– Kiana and I both love hearing from you! (Kiana does read the comments left on this blog, by the way, and it helps her know what you and I need help with when we share our feelings and the struggles we have with food and exercise.)
I have not yet read Geneen Roth’s book, Women, Food and God but I hear it’s great!
In a recent e-blast from Oprah’s website they had a short article (perhaps an excerpt from the book?) that caught my attention. If you want to read the whole article, here’s the link:
http://www.oprah.com/spirit/The-Cookie-Burglar-Stop-Binge-Eating-Geneen-Roth/1
But the part that intrigued me most was Geneen’s idea of writing a “Fat Dialogue.” Here’s a condensed version of what Geneen had to say:
“I hear stories … every day from people who tell me they are longing to feel better about themselves and that the extra weight they are carrying is ruining their lives. And then …they spend most of their free time planning a binge, bingeing and feeling awful afterward.
At some point, you have to ask yourself what's going on when it seems as if you'd give your right arm to lose weight and then find yourself breaking locks at 3 in the morning to get to the coffee cake.
Regardless of how it may appear, what we do really does make sense. Our actions—especially with food—are inherently sane. In fact, they are expressions of our brilliance at getting our needs met.
When I was at my fattest, when I only had one dress to wear in mid-December (a summer dress with an elastic waist and a flouncy, expandable skirt), I realized that my apparently insane eating was trying to get my attention. It became clear that because it was so tenacious, it must have something to teach me that I wasn't learning in other, more subtle ways. So I sat down and wrote what I called 'A Fat Dialogue.'
It was like writing a play for two characters: Me and Fat. I started out by asking my fat what it wanted from me. It rambled on about wanting my attention, then ended up telling me something that forever changed my life: It told me that as long as I was thin, I would be flinging myself at someone who lived across the country, didn't love me or was otherwise unsuitable. When those words came unsuspectingly out of my pen, I was stunned. I was also nailed.”
I relate A LOT to what Geneen said, especially the part about being willing to give “your right arm to lose weight and then find(ing) yourself breaking locks at 3 in the morning to get to the coffee cake.” Been there – done that …way too many times! :-(
So this idea of “A Fat Dialogue” – could this possibly reveal why I do the things I do? I don’t know – let me ramble for a moment and see what happens (then it’s YOUR turn to try to write “A Fat Dialogue”, okay?)
Okay, 2 characters: Me and Fat (This feels a little weird but I’m going to go with it…)
FAT: Have you?
ME: Yes, I’ve complained about you to everyone I know. My husband, Tom – the women at Curves – my fellow Innkeepers – my Weight Watcher’s leaders – all of my friends, including Kiana - they all know I hate you and that I want you to stay away from me.
FAT: If you hate me so much why do you have me sneak over (usually when Tom’s not around)? As you know, we’ve hooked up in your car, in your bedroom and sometimes even in your bathroom (when Tom’s home but you feel you just absolutely “need me.”)
ME: Oh, geez – how embarrassing, I hate thinking of all of our tawdry hookups. I always feel bad immediately after we’re done. But prior to inviting you over, I’m in a frenzy –I just feel as if I need you. You’re like some kind of drug – but, as you know, it’s not really you I crave, it’s the friends you come over with – you know, your good friends Cake, Cookie and Brownie – I love them but I don’t like you.
FAT: Well, Cake, Cookie, Brownie and I have been friends for a really long time – so if you love them and invite them over, then I come over to hang out with you too. Cake, Cookie and Brownie NEVER go to a party without me! You know that – we always travel together.
ME: Right…
FAT: Right.
ME: Geneen Roth says you’re trying to tell me something. What are you trying to tell me?
FAT: I’m trying to tell you that nothing good comes from spontaneous, chaotic, intense reactions and over-reactions to life’s situations.
ME: But that’s the rhythm of how I live – every success I’ve ever had is based on a spontaneous, sudden burst of energy coupled with intuition and luck. I’m not a “slow, methodical, safe” kind of girl.
FAT: Ever heard of Dr. Phil?
ME: Duh!
FAT: No need to get sarcastic, Rebecca. Ever heard of Dr. Phil?
ME: Yes.
FAT: I like it when he says, “So, how’s that working for you?”
ME: Right…
FAT: Right.
ME: I need to make the time to grocery shop, I need to learn how to increase the number of healthy recipes Tom knows how to make (he’s the cook in our family) ...
 |
| Kiana's 20 Go-To Recipes! Simple & Easy Clean Up! "It's easy to eat healthfully with meals you can count on." |
FAT: Millions of people have done it.
ME: I know, but money’s tight. I can’t afford to “experiment” with this lunch box and that lunch box – it’s just easier to eat out.
FAT: Again, “How’s that working for you?”
ME: Right…
FAT: Right.
ME: And while my spontaneous (some would call it fearless – others would call it reckless) confidence at changing jobs, if I hit a rut, has benefited me over the years, I guess it’s also hurt me. No retirement plan in place. No savings. Getting by – having fun – but no long term planning. I hate “long term planning.”
FAT: I know. Most of the people I’m friends with hate “long term planning.”
ME: A few years ago, after a very bad autoimmune disease, I decided to get more serious about my desire to become a writer.
FAT: What do you mean by “more serious?”
ME: Well, I decided the first step toward becoming a writer was to ACTUALLY write, instead of just dreaming of writing.
FAT: Well, duh!
ME: Okay, now it’s you who’s being rude and sarcastic.
FAT: Sorry. So how did that go for you?
ME: Pretty well. I’m still new at it and I have a long ways to go – and I hate getting rejection letters, but I have been published several times in the past two years.
FAT: How did getting published make you feel?
ME: What are you – my therapist?
FAT: Maybe. So, how did that make you feel?
ME: Good. It was one of the few highs that can compete with how I feel when you, Cake, Cookie and Brownie meet me for a late night rendezvous.
FAT: But getting published does take “long term planning” – you actually have to plan a time to sit down and write and submit stories each day, right?
ME: Well, they’re pretty short stories – but yes, I do try to make at least an hour a day to write (except on Sunday).
FAT: Why not on Sunday?
ME: That’s my day with Tom.
FAT: Do you love Tom?
ME: Of course I do! We’re getting ready to celebrate our 11th wedding anniversary later this month.
FAT: Who do you love more – Tom or me?
ME: Tom! Of course I love Tom more!
FAT: Do you?
ME: YES!!!
FAT: Then why do you invite me, Cake, Cookie and Brownie over so often? I hate to tell you this, but though we have fun – we’re not good for you. You have high cholesterol, right?
ME: Yes.
FAT: We’re friends with Cholesterol too. When we come over to visit you, Cholesterol comes too.
ME: What does this have to do with Tom?
FAT: If you really do love him more than you love us, you’re going to have to consciously choose to spend more time with him and less time with us. I know you’ve always been curious about the afterlife and “what happens next” – we will help you find out sooner rather than later if you keep inviting us over.
ME: Are you trying to scare me now?
FAT: Kind of.
ME: Why?
FAT: Because the truth is, I am you – I’m not “FAT” as in something that stands apart from you – I am you – and I want you to succeed and I want you to live a happy, healthy, productive life…but that does take planning.
ME: I know. My Weight Watchers leader, Mirium, always emphasizes that there is a difference between “real physical hunger” and a “craving” or a “need for comfort food to soothe us emotionally.” Mirium says that if you combine real physical hunger with a craving, you’re doomed – she says that once you’re in a frenzy because you’re actually hungry there is little chance of making an intelligent decision re: food. Mirium says we need to eat little meals every 3-4 hours so we’re never “hungry” – then we can choose what to eat from a rational place rather than a freaked out, hungry place. Come to think of it, that’s what Kiana says too and so do all of the trainers at Curves.
FAT: Don’t pretend you didn’t know that. You already knew that – you just don’t make the time to grocery shop, prepare food and pack a lunch. Because “winging it” has led to some of the greatest adventures of your life, you’ve decided (or I should say defaulted) to making this lifestyle part of how you eat. Eating right takes semi-long term planning …you need to figure this out if this really is a priority.
I know you’ve improved since your auto-immune disease attacked you and made it so you could barely walk or see; you do eat better – you do party with me, Cake, Cookie and Brownie less than you used to – and, thanks to your job at Curves, you do workout more than you used to. But there’s still room for improvement – I know that because I hear you curse at me every day when you get out of the shower.
You know, Rebecca… I will go away if you really want me to. But you need to send me a consistent message if you want me to go away; this back and forth – go away, come hither stuff won’t lead to me going away…hey, what are you eating?
ME: A Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup.
FAT: Is that true?
ME: No, but I’m thinking of walking over to the market to get one.
FAT: Great! I’ll meet you there!
Okay, so clearly “FAT” and I need to continue to talk offline over the next few weeks, months (and perhaps even years) …so let me turn things over to y’all.
Any comments based on eaves-dropping on my conversation with FAT? Want to try to write your own “Fat Dialogue”? I recommend it! And if anyone has read Women, Food and God, I’d LOVE to know what you think of the book. Please leave comments in the comment boxes below
– Kiana and I both love hearing from you! (Kiana does read the comments left on this blog, by the way, and it helps her know what you and I need help with when we share our feelings and the struggles we have with food and exercise.)
What a brilliant blog, CB. I love the inner dialogue concept, really makes you think. One tip I have to stop the "fat Dialogue" (FD) is to treat him like an X boyfriend. As soon as FD enters your mind or tempts you to "hook up," scream STOP in your mind and replace FD with SW (something wonderful.) For me, every time I have the urge to "Shop and Binge" where you buy and then feel remorseful.... (a phrase I heard on the news this morning and evidently I have) do something that makes you feel great. For me, I run to my kids and hug, kiss and tickle them. Try it, Tom will love it!
ReplyDeleteGreat suggestion, Kiana! Next time I feel myself longing for FD, I'll try to replace those desires with SW - namely a hug and a kiss from Tom! :-) CB (Rebecca)
ReplyDeleteHi Rebecca: I really enjoyed reading this blog! In addition to being very entertaining it makes me want to get the book and also get back on speaking terms with "Fat" whom I've been sort of ignoring. Keep up the great writing! (Cindi)
ReplyDeleteHi, Cindi! Glad you liked this week's blog! If/when you do read "Women, Food and God" I'd love to know how it affects your life - I hear it's an amazing book! - Rebecca
ReplyDelete